I had a great therapy sesh. Sometimes I just need an authority figure, like a doctor, to give me permission, to do something like work a 32 hour week. That was his suggestion. He says its quite possible to attain this. I am comforted at the thought, if I find myself in a routine that seems to subtract instead of add meaning to my life, maybe at least I can find one that’s not so many hours and days. At my current company the baseline is 50-60 hour weeks, so I feel like a slacker doing 40. When that’s so, so, so much, so much time to dedicate to one brainless task, especially for a sensitive, nervous artist like myself, sniff! So I’m cheered up that perhaps I can face reality and still be me. I’m thinking of companies that are known for treating their employees well (please let me know if you have suggestions!). My 2 therapists (med doc and talk doc) keep suggesting REI and Costco. I’ll look into it. Mostly he reminded me my plan is good. It’s okay to take a week or two off and THEN look for jobs. He said it was okay to really enjoy this time because I’d be back at work very soon. He used the analogy that I’m driving my bus to my goal, but there’s a punk kid heckler in the back of the bus shouting “you can’t do it! everything’s a sham! give up!” and I don’t have to listen to the heckler, I can keep driving.
I popped by my good friends Adrianna and Gary’s after work, their kid was so ridic, making faces and being SO excited over things like talking and singing, it was pure magic and I remembered empirically that there’s meaning to life. YAY.
Therapist also reminded me that many artists really hit their stride when they’re older. Maybe I’ve just begun. He does remind me how from his view of 60, my 38 years looks like spring chicken.
Dinner for one:
Tonight I had TJ’s pork and veggie gyoza, about 8, from the microwave. I splashed soy sauce and rice vinegar on them. I also had a bunch of steamed broccoli with some sharp cheddar on top. Yum! Tonight’s dinner was a wild success and took all of 5 minutes.
Last night was too hot for a full meal…I took some TJ’s pre-cooked beets, heated them in the microwave, and put crumbled goat cheese and lime zest on top. Later I was starving so I heated up a tortilla in the m-wave, and put peanut/flax butter and local honey on it, then rolled it up. THAT was good.