Today I slept and slept – it felt like I needed it, but when I woke up it felt too drained. I’m currently trying to woman-up for a run and some art. I think everything’s on schedule but huge invisible, nonsensical drama with my mother last week really threw me off my last course. Which I accept as a universe-challenge. What am I not paying attention to, what parts of me am I out of touch with, that a few crazed emails from my mother could turn my whole world upside down, give me eczema and allergies, make my jaw pain explode with tension, make me forget all about art and health and just obsess about our relationship for a week? I hate the power she has over me yet I give her that power. I refuse to accept that my biology has more power over me than my brain, or at least, that the two of us, body and brain, can’t work it out harmoniously. So I am grateful for this obstacle that I may quietly observe myself reacting to it.
“First, come into the present. Flash on what’s happening with you right now. Be fully aware of your body, its energetic quality. Be aware of your thoughts and emotions.
Next, feel your heart, literally placing your hand on your chest if you find that helpful. This is a way of accepting yourself just as you are in that moment, a way of saying, “This is my experience right now, and it’s okay.” Then go into the next moment without any agenda.This practice can open us to others at times when we tend to close down. It gives us a way to be awake rather than asleep, a way to look outward rather than withdraw.”
Pema Chodron – Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change