Some hard truths are falling, or perhaps finally been seen and climbed upon, here in TatsVille.
1) Things aren’t black and white
Ugh but uuuuh! You and what army is gonna make me see grey, buddy. Oh what, if I stopped seeing things in black and white, I’d have less anxiety, less angst, less turmoil, less axe grinding and wheel spinning? Well that makes sense. But still I can’t just go CHANGING who I AM. That would be…life affirming. Constructive. In the interests of progress.
Maybe I can see in color instead of in Black and White.
2) Exercise, especially daily, keeps me from falling into shame spirals, into depression, into low self-esteem. It keeps me practical and mentally healthy. It doesn’t solve all ills but it does seem to circumvent at least 70% of all ills. But I don’t want tooooo. Well, fine, but at least know the solution is there for the having.
3) You were wrong
I was wrong. AUGH. That’s one of the most painful things I’ve ever had to say. I may have seen things a little extremely. I may have exaggerated or exasperated. I may have been seeing ghosts. I may have thought you were a monster. In several cases I was wrong.
4) It’s not all about fun
It’s not all about ME. Holy fuckballs what’s the point of that. Ugh. Only, after 38 years, I can’t go on like this. In short term pleasure land. There’s not enough to live for. Except getting out of this desert island of my head and getting out in the world and helping some fucking other people already. At the end of the day it’s all there is, that’s what you’ve stood for, it’s what you’ve done.
I’m totally freaked out at this. I built up my brain the way it is for a REASON, danger danger, I feel like someone is trying to pry me away from my spirit animal. But my spirit animal doesn’t get way way emotionally tortured over tiny things, feel threatened by and afraid of crowds of people, and blow up the smallest problem until it’s all she can think about – I do.
5) I need to take criticism
Noooooooooooo! I don’t know about that. We’re still in talks over this one, me and myself. That’s there for a reason. Ain’t nobody step to, on, around or upon the Black Sheep! But, sometimes I might be missing out on a bonk to the head from the universe. People aren’t always critical specifically to oppress me, destroy my equilibrium, bring me down and hurt my feelings. Sometime’s they’re trying to point out a way to make my life easier or better. Just typing that sentence and it doesn’t seem true, haha. But things aren’t always black and white.