As I go through AA Steps 1-3, I struggle with the concept of a higher power. AA suggests you find one, whichever one you want, ASAP, and this spiritual breakthrough is the key to it being possible to quit drinking for good, and to not be bitter and angry about it.
I never found faith in God because it seemed inherently kind of…silly. Today I read this article that helped me realize the importance of faith in a higher power:
When worriers try to complete a task they worried about, they end up doing worse than non-worriers doing the same task. So much of their brain power is being used to try to foresee all the bad outcomes that they almost guarantee that one of those bad outcomes will occur.
Meanwhile, people who aren’t concerned about what will happen can dedicate all their concentration to solving whatever problem is in front of them, meaning their chances of success are higher. That’s right — you could say that some people succeed purely because they’re too dumb to know why they should fail.
I have faith its me vs. everyone else, that no one is going to help me and I’m going to be all alone.
Why can’t I have faith in a higher power? Because I’ve never seen it? But I have, oh so briefly. Just not all day every day. Then again, I don’t do the wrong thing all day every day, but I still have faith that I’m fucking up.
Anyways, my point is, “people who aren’t concerned about what will happen can dedicate all their concentration to solving whatever problem is in front of them, meaning their chances of success are higher.”
Faith in a higher power is about letting go of all the paranoid feelings and regrets of the past, fears of future regrets and mistakes. It’s knowing that things will be just fine, that you’re good no matter what, that someone’s got your back. Whether or not it’s TRUE, it’s incredibly beneficial to think so. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy.
When you’re not petrified of failure and everything blowing up in your face, of dying alone and it all being pointless, well, its a lot easier to take risks and make connections and do good deeds and feel good and live life to the fullest. You have so many more reasons not to drink.
So, I’ve gotten that far on steps 1-3. This may be the key to my “Willingness” that AA keeps talking about.