Last week in AA a lady said she wouldn’t believe in God if he didn’t answer her prayers.
I thought, ha! I’d like to see that. I’ve never had a prayer answered in all my days…
Then this weekend, my mom came over. It was capitol hill on pride weekend – not a parking space for miles. Mom started praying to Mother Mary for a parking space, I rolled my eyes. Ridiculous! Suddenly she swooped into the most amazing rockstar parking I’d ever seen on cap hill. On pride weekend! It made me wonder…that was a miracle if I ever saw one.
This week at AA, there were some new people. I shared how although I’m on step four, I only see god-things in my peripheral vision, I’m still waiting to be struck by the light. And lordy, I could use some light. This whole business about having a great purpose, about not even being tempted by booze, of being lifted up to a higher way of living, seems so impossibly far away to me. I still grind my teeth in desire, thinking about booze and the quick fix of the party. Several people used their share-time speaking to my problems. One man said he didn’t believe in god but coming to AA was like a vegetarian coming to Thanksgiving – he didn’t eat the turkey but he enjoyed the company, and got a great meal from all the side dishes 🙂 After the meeting, these new people and I were walking in the same direction. They gave me their phone numbers, and 100 tips, told me I was just on the right track, and circled a bunch of meetings in my book I could check out, given that I don’t like to get up early or take the bus if I don’t have to.
That, to me, is god. Feeling alone, needing help, then strangers and friends come and give you just what you needed. Not so much you don’t have to do it yourself – but enough help that you have the strength to do it yourself. Thanks, God. Or, whatever.