I was told sometimes step 5 can be the step where you feel god. I think its true! On Thursday I told my sponsor everything I could think of that I’d never told anyone or that keeps me up at night with burning shame. I could tell he was a bit disappointed. You never killed anyone, never stole anything? Yet I did plenty of lame shitty things, just nothing that impressive by AA standards, heh. So I figured, ultimately step 5 was not that big of a deal.
Yet the very next day, I was singing this song to myself, and this crazy kind of joy I can’t remember feeling since I was a very small child welled up inside of me. This freedom peace and beauty feeling. It is fucking amazing. I only felt it for a second, but it’s definitely what I was promised by AA, if I do the 12 steps. If I could harness that feeling for one second a month, I will be doing fucking amazing.