Something I found out this week is that along with a few people I know committing suicide this year, other people think about ending it all too. Despite my deep levels of angst and desperation throughout my life, I have never been as close the the ledge as I was this week.
I got some great stuff from my therapist today, including many crisis lines:
Group Health Consulting Nurse Service: 1-800-297-6877
King County Crisis Line: 206-461-3222 or 1-866-427-4747
She told me contrary to what I might pick up online or on the news, I am not mentally ill, I have a mood disorder. She tsked at the idea I might need SSI to support myself. She said I’m highly functional and she’ll have enough faith in that for the both of us. She gave me some easy-to-follow anti anxiety instructions (like 3 words each) so for once self-treating my anxiety is not going to frighten me b/c i cant process instructions when I’m freaking out. And I’m going to get the medication I am on re-evaluated, maybe a different pill really will help my pain, along with self care, therapy, other mental health moves, but first I need to stop my head from acting like I’m on a mix of booze and special K – I don’t think these ones I’ve been on for 10 years are as effective as they could be.