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Surgery won’t improve your pain

I think one thing making me so suicidal is the intense pain my body is in. I get massages whenever I can afford it, about once a month, and feel releif for a whole day. At home I have a number of self-massaging tools, a tiger tail, a foam roller, a backknobber II, a dual-tapper, a hitachi magic wand ;), a shiatsu pillow, the list goes on.Today I went to the running shoe store Fleet Feet on cap hill, and finally had enough money from working my shit job to afford a new pair of running shoes. Oh my god, my old running/walking/comfort shoes had lost all their cushion. I got a new pair of Brooks Adrenaline with Superfeet Inserts. I also got a plantar fasciitis sleeve that I’m wearing right now. OH GOD it feels so good to have a slight cessation of the constant tense-muscles pain that is part of the anxiety disorder bundle of joy I live with every moment.

While I was there they showed me all these different tools for foot and calf pain.  They told me its common to have tight calves that lead to plantar fasciitis, I tried various rolly things on my distressed arches, a trigger point massage ball, a ball bearing foot-rolling floor thing, then one of the clerks actually took this addaday ultra roller and rolled out my calves, talk about full service, and it was the most amazing thing ever and I was torn between buying it or trying to buy the clerk. The tool was $40 so I’ll have to save up more and go back.

All in all doing these little things (well it was a lot of money, but well worth it) to help my pain made me feel like maybe there is something to live for.  I will live to heal.

Shame – Depeche Mode

Do you ever get that feeling
When the guilt begins to hurt?
Seeing all the children
Wallowing in dirt
Crying out with hunger
Crying out in pain
At least the dirt will wash off
When it starts to rain

Soap won’t wash away your shame

Do you ever get the feeling
That something isn’t right?
Seeing your brother’s fist
Clenched ready for the fight
Soon the fighting turns to weapons
And the weapons turn to wounds
So the doctor’s stitch and stitch and stitch
And stitch and stitch and stitch and stitch

Surgery won’t improve your pain

It all seems so stupid
It makes me want to give up
But why should I give up
When it all seems so stupid?

Do you ever get the feeling
That something can’t be done?
To eradicate these problems
And make the people one
Do you ever get that feeling
Something like a nagging itch?
And all the while the doctors stitch
And stitch and stitch and stitch and stitch

Hope alone won’t remove the stains (shame)

It all seems so stupid
It makes me want to give up
But why should I give up
When it all seems so stupid?

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This entry was posted on November 10, 2013 by in Anxiety, Health.
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