Today I forgot my sedatives at home, but made it through the day anyways. It helps I’m (for the day it lasted) in an empty, quiet area with no one bugging me but a little french bulldog who sleeps on my feet. Literally heaven. Soon it’ll be full of people and the bulldog will be hiding or out slutting around with other people. But today was calm. Still I came rushing home SO excited to take that sedative the way I used to be excited to get that booze in meh. What a slippery slope for those of us desperate to alter reality.
What else. French bulldog is all I can think about. I had lunch with two good, old friends today, who work in the area – both are husbands of my oldest dear friends, although I’ve known the hubs for decades as well (and in both cases, helped them meet their wives!)
Anywho, it was a good lunch and there was talk of holiday things…that sounds nice. I told my parents I wasnt doing the holiday this year, my holday-temp job has made the very concept of holidays, of presents, of human misery of factory workers in inhumane conditions making endless streams of disposable plastic toys that more miserable wage slaves can sell to miserable parents to make manically entitled children, everyone just in search of the meaning and sustenance they could have found by making some gifts for the local homeless together.
always a traumatic if well meaning pill to swallow every 364 days, now a poison bitter pill of sheer slow death torment and the souls of infants in my mouth. I hate American Christmas! No bah humbug is emphatic enough. Fuck you Christmas, and all the misery you’ve caused in my life from day 1.