Well after my mother told me to GO FUCK YOURSELF in an email, unprovoked, and my emailing her that I wanted to die, she left me a voicemail message after that I was too scared to listen to, not sure if it would be an attack or a white flag. It was neither. I just had Steve listen to for me…she sounded drunk and she said she was just ‘so tired of being hurt.’ Well, so am I. And my self respect is moving up in the world. Mommy’s little codependent doormat isn’t even that angry, just, knowing its time. Its time to call the shreds of mangled trust I threw her way that we accepted as a relationship, done. We can’t interact without devastating each other, so frankly at this point it’s foolish interact. I always feel so cold and cruel when I do this, but now I think it’s what we both want. I’ve been the one breaking the silence the past few times, out of guilt, out of longing for an illusion, out of fear. I don’t think I’ll break this silence. I am so, so, so sad and hurt by her. Always, from the start of my life until now.