This weekend a friend told me some people I used to be friends with, and had falling outs with, were meeting for DRINKS and discussing what could be my problem. The very idea! I went into a rage.
But then, not one hour later, I let the rage go. I had some exercise and nice loving interactions with Steve and current friend (who bought me birthday cupcakes). And I realized, its no big deal. People can think what they think and say what they say. I never see them, I’m not on FB, we are not really connected online, its no skin off my nose. Its not like I have some sterling reputation to be tarnished.
I hurt them and they’re allowed to be hurt. I know I made a lot of mistakes in one ex-friends case that, although I’m over having people in my life who treat me like she did, I hope not to make those mistakes in the future. I think I learned from my mistakes.
And the other thing is I’m not getting off on it. Okay I am a leeeetle, the idea that people are talking about me and that I’m famous on some small pathetic level. But mostly its just like, eh, big world keep on turning. Formerly some tidbit like this would keep my ego fed for months as I stewed.
I’ll go on with my small outward and huge inward life, with my few handpicked, gentle, insanely considerate and sensitive friends, and the billions of people who wonder what the fuck my problem is will never really understand. That’s ok.
There’s no good guys and bad guys, no me vs. them, we’re all just people trying to make sense of it. I’m not turning this into a story, except the story of my own growth. The only battle here is my battle not to take everything personally, and I’m winning.